Missed connections are a phenomenon perpetuated by intense loneliness and a fear of confrontation. Is fueled by a desire to be polite, cordial, and entirely passionate from the safety of your keyboard, because in the minds of its avid users, there may only be one shot at this crazy thing we call love, life and the pursuit of happiness.
If we miss it, and by some sad state of affairs or some act of crippling fear and social anxiety we don’t talk to that person we thought was gorgeous, we may never truly be happy. Fortunately, however, we all get to benefit from this vast sea of anonymous vulnerability. Often, we are inspired to be honest about our feelings and fears of being alone. We get to laugh at the crazy relatability between our own and others’ obscure neuroses.
I feel it is due time we make record of 10 tragically common missed connections ads.
** Click on each image to enlarge for reading **
1.
Ouch lady!! Cant a guy jerk off in public without making a federal case out of it? Thanks a lot Obama. But really guys, please stop whacking off in cars, parks and highways.
First of all its rude. Don’t get me wrong, I love the excitement of someone seeinge me naked and in the act as much as the next person, but there is a large portion of our society that isn’t ready… it’s also kind of inconsiderate to those folks who may have gone through some trauma. Your genitals may not be the most welcome sight for them on their commute.
Another point I feel I should, but shouldn’t have to make, is that that shit is dangerous. I know a girl who crashed her car into a snow bank flicking her bean on a rural highway. Thank god no one got hurt … do you think there is a study on public masturbation related fatalities?
2.
#Ohmyy. that was dirty. It’s funny how the lines between missed connections and casual encounters get blurred in these posts. Funny thing is, I usually come to missed connections seeking some sort of longshot in online validation on a day when I’m feeling fat. However, I always end up staying for the laughs and sentiment.
3.
I love how frequently people have hookups at porn shops–and how they never seem to get the other persons number, email, or telegraph line. You have my vote on being edgy and experimental, but if it starts to burn while you pee, dont complain to me. Call the person that gave it to you–oh wait, you can’t.
4.
Wait, what? Does google translate work on the spelling and grammatically challenged? Part of me is hoping that this is a joke. This is just painfully stereotypical of a walmart patron to post an add with a lack of appreciation for spelling and developed thought. However, I love it, because no matter how shallow and how poorly proof read this was, I find it endearing for one reason: he waited days to send it. In my mind that means he spent days thinking of her and concocting exactly the right thing to say so that he might woo her away from her man candy, and into his loving embrace… sadly this is what he came up with.
5.
Reader: Intrigued and jealous of “You”.
6.
There were way too many creepy one-liners this guy could have used–but he didn’t. He was just a typical old dude at a typical Home Depot being shy, and that’s why I love it. It makes me smile and feel warm inside. Go ahead read it again.
7.
What a poet.
This kind of ad usually has me give up the ghost, and go back to my public masturbating. I mean really? Contrived and dramatic writing on a public scale? What a ghastly display of attention seeking and dramatic depravity. You should be ashamed…. Who does that? Certainly not me, heh heh *bows out awkwardly*.
8.
I’m not sure if this is a real apology or sarcasm. Either way, these stranger to stranger posts that aren’t sexual at all are some of my favorites. However, I’m not sure that a craigslist apology will help in any civil court case, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
9.
oh hey denise. wassup wassup…
10.
Man, these give me all of the “awkwards.” I feel bad for everyone in this scenario. The guy for feeling desperate enough to lie to someone to get the deed done. I feel bad for the girl for being manipulated. Bad for the friends in the middle. That said, this may be one of the most TRAGICALLY COMMON missed connections posts because it encompases a plea for understanding, romance, lies and friendship. Leaving all people feeling like they got ripped off.
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