kotaku.com/Harris O'Malley
Alright gents! I get it. Confronting our privilege is an uncomfortable and painful process. It sucks, always hearing about how the patriarchy has been hurting our fellow people since the dawn of human society. It hurts to know that women frequently walk around in fear of rape, violence, and at the very least cat calling and whistles.
It hurts.
I also know that every time we hear a story of a woman’s sexual abuse or discrimination it’s more weight on our chest. The fear of backlash and justified misandry may cause us to lace up the gloves, I wasn’t the one who did it! Women have privilege too!These thoughts, however, are fuel on the fire. Men contribute to the problem when we lash out in unnecessary justification. For the recovery of both women and men, it’s time for men to clean up our side of the street.
Which might prompt you to ask, what does that look like Jay J?
Well sir’s for our own recovery and emotional building let’s first think about our own pain. In my own experience, it was hard and damned confusing when one side says treat women with respect, e.g., open the door for them, pay for dinner, treat them as if they were delicate and emotional creatures, only to be told later that this gentlemanly behavior was belittling.
My societal conditioning said that women didn’t like sex. They put up with it to appease men, and want men to be tender and emotional. However, when I would flip on the idiot box, it seemed that women proudly submitted to the bitch label, and enjoyed their sexploitation! I felt pressure to meet that standard, otherwise I’m gay, right?
damemagazine.com/Joann Yeh
Needless to say, this is an awkward journey to traverse. What’s more, it’s regrettable that I was raised to think that I as a man, only have the ability to act and think with my penis. The reduction of my identity to a sex driven creature, with little capacity for emotional growth or empathy, is offensive. I gave into that notion because feeling alone sucks, so I was driven to conform to the societal mold. #penisbrain
However, as I get older I’ve found denying my truth hurts even more. And the truth is, I feel a lot of things. I feel the stares of women as I pass them on a dark road. I can feel their shoulders tighten in apprehension and fear as they wonder if I will hurt them, touch them, or hit on them. Though I can logically see that I have no reason to carry guilt, I do. I carry it because knowing that my presence can represent pain, struggle and marginalization. Plus, I still carry the pain from my youth when I was called a fag if I wasn’t running the red-blooded male program. That shit hurt, still does. And my pain, no matter where it sits in the scales of social justice, is my pain, and is valid.
That said, I want to recover. I don’t want to walk around hating and blindly hurting others while hiding behind justifications. It’s important for men to discuss our place in women’s recoveries, and how to recover ourselves. We have a certain amount of privilege, every social demographic has some sort of privilege, but it is important for us to look at our own. Pointing out other people’s privileges is not necessarily our job. For me, it is merely a way to buy sympathy for my own struggle. But that doesn’t work. #maleprivilege
There is light at the end of the tunnel. I promise, if you are persistent in confronting your privilege and turn the pain into empathy for those affected, you will create healing within yourself. And though you may not see it, you will facilitate the healing of others.
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